Mayah Joy is the result of years of hope and love. She was a miracle and God's gift to us. We were so happy and full of joy when we found out about her. It was so unexpected, but so welcomed. We couldn't wait to share the news and our families and friends rejoiced with us. We were so excited to see her in the ultrasounds and we laughed as we watched her dancing in the womb. When we found out she was a girl, our hearts just melted and again, we rejoiced. We named her Mayah Joy, a name we picked out years ago when she was still just a dream. Mayah means "Close to God" and that was our desire for how she would live her life. When she was born, even though our hearts were breaking, we found joy in looking at her perfect little form, with all the fingers and toes and her long legs and peaceful face. We held her up and offered her back to the Lord and we know that He took her in His arms to care for her even more than we ever could. His love is unending and unfailing.
Even now that she is not with us anymore, we continue to remember the joy that she brought. For someone who had such a short life, she brought joy into the lives of so many people--her grandmothers, her aunties and uncles, cousins and friends. We continue to thank God for her life. Her loss is hugely unexpected as well, but even in our sorrow, we remember God's promise to us that we have eternal life in Him. We have confidence that Mayah is with Him and we will join them eventually. We can just picture her dancing with the angels in heavenly worship before God's throne.
Going through the heartache has brought us closer together as a couple as well as close to God individually. At a time like this, we realize that there is nothing that we can do to gain strength to bear it other than clinging to our Father. As we turn to each other for comfort, we also realize that on our own, we have no comfort to give. Rather, we have to receive comfort from God in order to give to each other. And our God is gracious and grants us the peace that passes all understanding. When there are no more words to say to Him, He understands the moans of our hearts and grants us peace.
As we move into the next stages of grieving our loss, we will continue to cling to the hope that we have. Right now, it seems hard to even imagine being able to go back to a "normal" life without Mayah. I don't even know what that would look like. We will not be the same. As our broken hearts mend, we will discover that they are not the same as they were before knowing Mayah. We will see things differently, I believe, through the experience of loving our daughter. We pray that God will use this to impact our lives and any other lives that He brings to us.
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